I'm concerned about children's education. I favor lower child-to-parent ratios.

I'm flattered you liked my book so much. Now why don't you read something different for a change?

Here's a clue--if they say they're doing it in my name, they're either misinformed or lying.

Just look at this planet! What, do you expect me to clean this up?

Only six thousand years old? Oh, that's a good one.

Excuse me? Where exactly on the front of the Bible do you see my name?

The dinosaurs didn't believe in you either.

You can have another kid when you learn to take care of the first one.

E=mc². Yeah, that's one of mine.

You're not tracking those bloody footprints in here.